Married Life with the Northmans
by Vikt0ria
Summary: Now that Eric and Sookie are "Married" their life is far from perfect. They still argue and have drama like a normal "human" couple would. These are mini shots about Eric and Sookie's day to day… err… night to night… married life. Enjoy!
1. That Time of the Month Argument

Now that Eric and Sookie are "Married" their life is far from perfect. They still argue like a normal "human" couple would. These are drabbles about Eric and Sookie's day to day…err… night to night… married life. Enjoy!

**A/N: After reading Vitzy's, AlphaEn's and of course Honeypop's HILARIOUS as hell mini/one shots, I thought I'd give funny a try…. I'm prolly left in the shade compared to them but, I hope you like what I got to offer. **

**So After a conversation I was having with my boyfriend and he made a sarcastic comment… which then made me remember a line in a story that I read by **_**RheyaKelvin: The Watcher**_**… (I told him and he laughed his ass off by the way Rheya) ;) and this is what came out of my crazy head:**

**Mini Disclaimer: They belong to Charlaine Harris**

**Rated M for Adult content**

**That Time of the Month Argument**

**SPOV**

After my shower I walked in and found my gorgeous husband lying in bed in all his glory with his nostrils flared. I hated the second day/night of my period when it's at its heavies. Me and the Viking have a standing argument…..

"Uh, uh not tonight honey." I said as I walked into my closet.

"Why not? It's not like we have not made love at this time before." He said. I walked out to see him pouting. I laughed at the sight. I always found it so adorable when he does that. It makes him seem so human.

"Because…" I drew out the word "I have a hard time keeping your face out of _there."_ I stressed the last word.

"I live on blood, or did you forget?" he said sarcastically

"Eric! It's disgusting." I cringed

"Not to me it isn't." he grinned wickedly and pushed so much lust at me my knees wobbled.

"Fine!" I said petulantly "You don't play fair." I glared at his sexy full blown smile at my caving.

I threw my "_that time of the month"_ unsexy grannie panties, sweats, and t-shirt onto the window seat, took off my towel and got into bed. He excitedly kissed me and then did his thing and I tried to enjoy it. I always got off (multiple times) while he played in my nether region, but I just couldn't get comfortable. Feeling that I wasn't he sighed and gave up then kissed his way back up to my lips.

"Ewww!" I said pulling my face away and he rolled his eyes.

"What? you've kissed me after I've had your blood before." He said a little bit irritated with me.

"Not that blood." I replied a little squeamish.

"Sookie, think of it as kissing me after having a…." he paused struggling for something a human would eat "… a rare London Broil." He said.

"Hmph! More like a stale beer after 10,000 cigarettes." I mumbled and he laughed that delicious laugh of his.

He bent down looking me in the eyes and took one of my nipples into his mouth and bit. I let out a painful gasp at the suddenness of it.

"Eric!" I hissed and slapped him on the shoulder. After a few of pulls he licked his lips and said…..

"There washed down with a glass of 1978 Montrachet." He said with his sexy grin. It was my turn to laugh and I let my Viking kiss me. A/N: LOL! REVIEW PLEASE! 


	2. Hawaiian Honeymoon Interrupted

**A/N:There is no specific timeline this particular drabble. I just keep getting thoughts popping in like the unwanted fairy and well here's another for your reading pleasure… it's just pure nonsense.**

***** Special thanks to Vilannh *****

**Thanks to all my loyal reviewers: erin1705, TMart37, nordiclover, charhamblin, Loving the Viking, VAlady, Chickiesmom... You are so awesome I love ya'll!**

**And the new ones who have read and reviewed ;) Destiny919, livesimple, Crozybabe, Daniella... love to you!**

**Mini Disclaimer: Charlaine Harris owns them**

**Rated M for Adult content**

**Hawaiian Honeymoon… interrupted**

**SPOV**

I was packing for our flight tonight. After everything that had happened with the disaster that was my life… things mellowed out. Eric thought we could use a break and thought he give me a proper honeymoon. So he booked us a romantic Hawaiian vacation.

We were going to Kona (Koh-na) on the big island of Hawaii. Amelia and I looked on line and it was just spectacular… some things we learned about this island… Kailua-Kona harbor was a pristine beach with the bluest water I've ever seen… it kinda looked like a super bright teal color and went on to a deeper blue. It went out about 20 yards then there was a drop off that went down hundreds. The highest Waterfall was called Hiilawe (He-e-la-vay) Falls, it stood at about 1600ft. We were definitely going to see that!

So when we got to the hanger of the jet Eric borrowed from the Queen for our flight I was surprised to see… Pam, Amelia, Tray, and… Bill. All of them had bags. Tray was understandable he was my day protection, but the other three?

"What the _fuck_ is Bill doing here?" Eric hissed in my ear.

"I have no clue." I breathed. "What are ya'll doing here, come to see us off?" I asked hesitantly.

"Sorry Sookie, I told her about Hawaii and she wanted to go." Amelia giggled nervously.

"Amelia and I have some _making up_ to do." Pam said with her fangs down and eyebrows wagging at me. "We thought we'd hitch a ride since it was available. But why Bill is here…" She finished in her normal boring tone. She looked to Bill, everyone looked at Bill.

"Her Majesty, wanted me to interview some Vampires for my database. I hope you don't mind my tagging along?" he said hesitantly. Eric growled and cursed the Queen and Bill under his breath.

So we all hopped on board and took our seats. I could feel and see plain as day that my hubby wasn't pleased! I'm sure he had plans to start our honeymoon early.

"It's alright, honey it's just the flight. We'll be on our own once we're there."

"We can be on our own right now Mrs. Northman, if you'll accompany me to the bathroom." He whispered seductively.

"Nice try buddy, not with two other Vampires, a Witch, and a Were listening." I said and he glared at said beings.

So eight painfully long hours ended and we got to our Limo with the driver putting our bag in and went off to the _Hilton_ to check in and relax. When we got there and I got out I heard Eric's angry growl. I look to see what caused it and there standing by their cars was… Pam, Amelia, and… Bill.

The suite we got was spectacular (nothing to be unexpected really, this is Eric Northman were talking about... nothing but the best for him) there were three balcony doors that went out to a lanai (la-nigh) they called it, a dining table for 8, a full living room set up, and a grand piano. The bathroom and bedroom were impressive but it was set up just like at home.

Eric and I finally got to have our alone time. It's a good thing that the hotel were Vampire friendly, 'cause I'm sure the staff would have thought Eric was draining me dry... for all the screaming I was doing.

The next day Amelia visited and that night we all had dinner with the Queen of Hawaii. We did touristy things in the day. Amelia and I laid out to tan, while Tray hung out watching for trouble. At night Eric took us out he wanted to check out investment opportunities at the Vampire bars and club's the Queen of Hawaii owned. We all minus Bill had drinks and danced.

One the final night of our Vacation I decided that it was going to be OUR night, so Eric flew me up to the waterfall I wanted to see. It would have been great to see during the day, but there was no way in hell I doing any hiking. He sat me on top of a ridge that stuck out at about its half way point and we just sat and well made out like horny newlyweds.

Eric heard a sound, shot up, fangs down, and what we found was… you guessed it, Pam, Amelia, and… Bill. Now Eric and I were sulking, Pam was chuckling, and Bill looked uncomfortable as all get out.

Pam dove from the peak in a graceful swan dive and made not a splash when her body breached the surface of the water. Eric picked me up and flew me down to Pam and set me down. Amelia wailed about herself so Eric brought her down as well. Then flew up the very top of the waterfall and disappeared. Then out of nowhere came barreling off the top and did a couple of summersaults and few agile flips as he came down, then at the very end before he made contact he pulled his knees into his chest and did a cannon ball that sent a wave of water at me and Amelia. Bill not to be out done ran up to the top and did his dive. It was just as impressive as the two other Vampires. Just as he was approaching the surface I looked down.

"Bill!" I screeched… too late... Bill impaled _himself_ of a sharp branch sticking out of the water. While everyone gaped at the wet flaking remains of Bill Compton, Eric's voice broke through the silence.

"Oops." He said with a chuckle and we all looked at him.

"You won't see any bloody tears from me." Pam said as we looked at her.

"How the hell did that happen?" Amelia chimed in as we looked at her.

"Guess he should have kept his eyes opened." Was all that came out of my mouth as they turned to look at me. Then all our eyes went back to Bill, well what was left of him anyway.

"So, who's diving next?" Eric says gleefully.

"Well shit… Bill fucked up all the fun. I don't think anyone can top that performance." Pam deadpans.

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**A/N: REVIEWS of all kinds are LOVED!**


	3. Eric in Pastels?

**A/N: Thanks to Vilannh who helped me with this ;)**

**Thanks to all who reviewed: erin1705, nordiclover, TMart37, Chickiesmom, Loving the Viking, livesimple, cybercyclone, MerryCain, VAlady, and AlwaysMazzy… ya'll are the best!**

**Mini Disclaimer: Charlaine Harris owns them**

**Rated M for Adult content**

* * *

><p><strong>Eric in Pastels?<strong>

**EPOV**

"How about this Honey?" she asked.

"It's pink." I grunted.

"No it's not, its salmon and I think it looks great against your skin and brings out your eyes." She said.

"I am perfectly capable of picking my own attire, Lover." I say dryly.

"Humor me, will ya?" she asks and I suppressed a sigh. "Ooh, this is pretty it matches your shirt. Here honey, hold this for me will you?" she finishes as she hands me her purse and walks away. I suppress a growl.

Pam usually takes my Sookie shopping, but being the dutiful husband I accompanied her and this is the thanks I get.

The next night we went to dinner with Pam and Amelia at the farmhouse. Sookie insisted I wear the retched shirt with a pair of black D_iesel_ jeans. She wore the dress she bought to match.

"Eric!" Pam's eyes almost burst from the sockets. "I didn't think I could ever be more proud of my Maker." Pam said in her sarcastic tone with a shit eating grin. I just glare at my child. "What? It's about damn time you learned the colors of the rainbow."

"Sookie's choice… not mine." I say flatly.

"Oh, I see. Finally letting the little woman dress you." she smirks.

"Shut it Pam, do not start with me." I say in a low growl and she chuckles. Infuriating Child!

"Alright ya'll dinner's ready!" my "infuriating wife" calls out from the kitchen.

The next week when I rise to shower then dress…

"What the fuck is this?" I hiss walking in my closet finding more light colored Polo shirts in my wardrobe. I pick one out to please my wife and put it on. The turquoise _'to go with your eyes'_ her note read. I make my way out to the kitchen.

"Hi, Honey! Wow you look great!" she kisses me. I feel her surprise and amusement through the bond.

"Thanks." I sulk. Keep the wife happy… keep the wife happy… I chant.

For the next few days I begrudgingly wore _some_ of the wife's choices of my clothing.

The end of that week… I walk into my closet to find my entire wardrobe has been replaced with light colored Polo shirts and pressed Khakis… '_Time to pull the 'Master' card, this will not continue.'_

"Sookie?" I enter the kitchen trying to hold in my irritation.

"Yes, honey?" she asks looking up from her book.

"This is beyond insanity. I've been patient with your choice of clothing, but…?" I ask calmly.

"What the heck are you talking about, Eric?" she interrupts with a confused frown.

"Why do I get the feeling you are trying to turn me into Bill?" I ask with a raised eyebrow.

"Well now you're just being insane and I don't appreciate you bring up Bill, when I have no clue what you are even talking about!" She snaps. I pick her up and fly her to my closet.

"This, this, this… all this?" I ask ripping every piece to shreds.

"Umm, I'm still not following you, Honey." She laughs. My mind clicks.

"PAM!" I roar.

**.**

**A/N: That Pam! Such a naughty Child… She just loves to piss off Mommy and Daddy, doesn't she? Boy does she hold a grudge ;) LOL!**

**P.S. I'm not married so, if you can think of something you'd like to see Eric and Sookie argue about let me know! **

**REVIEW PLEASE!**


	4. The New Car Argument

**Thank you to everyones who has reviewed last chapter! erin1705, Tmart37, VAlady, Livesimple, d. design, ArmyGirl2010, MerryCain, emb1, Always Mazzy, you are awesome!**

**A/N: Thank you d**. design **for this suggestion! LOL… Thanks to VILANNH... who I love so very much for her support!**

**Not Beta'd mistakes = Mine or FF... I did edit ;)**

**Mini Disclaimer: Charlaine Harris owns them.**

**Rated M for Adult language**

**The New Car Argument**

**EPOV**

I let out a frustrated sigh at the sound of my wife's piece of shit car choking to death. I've tried countless times to have it replaced, but she refuses every time.

"Honey!" she yells out from the kitchen as she enters the garage. "I need to borrow your car I need to get something from the grocery store real quick." She says as she walks in to my office. I look at her in momentary shock. Did she really just ask me to drive my corvette? No one drives my baby but me.

"What do you need I'll call Pam." I say looking away from her.

"No need to bother Pam, I just need a few things for my dinner and we are low on blood for visitors." She counters.

"Why won't you let me get you a new car?" I ask

"Why spend the money? Tray can fix it tomorrow." She blows off my offer yet again.

"Why don't I just call Tray now and have him take you?" I say.

"Eric! Are you seriously not going to let me drive your car, it just a car. I just need a few things there's no need to bother anyone right now." She crosses her arms. I look at her I can feel her irritation and hurt coming from the Bond. I reluctantly hand her my keys.

"Thanks honey!" she kisses me and leaves.

I enter the garage and made sure that this thing dies for good so that she will be forced to get a new one. What? I am Vampire… we are sneaky fuckers. I chuckle.

**SPOV**

Then next afternoon Tray comes over to fix my car.

"Sorry Sookie, there's just no hope for it. I think it's time to get a new one." He says as he cleans his hands off with a grease rag.

"What was wrong with it?" I asked.

"Other than the fact that it's older than dirt?" he asks sarcastically and I scowl at him. "It actually looks like an animal went at the engine." He said with a hesitant smile. _Eric Northman!_

**_Later that night…_**

"Honey I need to borrow your car again." I asked walking into his office.

"Oh, what's wrong with your car? Was Tray not able to fix it?" he asked innocently.

"No, he wasn't." I looked at him watching his expressions and probing the Bond. My hubby is too good… I couldn't feel _any_ guilt coming from him. I'm _sure _its 'cause he didn't feel guilty at all.

"So shall we get you a new one?" he asks excitedly.

"No, I'll just use yours." I say flatly.

"I need my car Sookie." He replies.

"No you don't, you fly." I replied and his face went stoic cold Vampire.

"Why are you so unreasonable?" He says irritation filling the Bond.

"Why are you?" I quip.

"Sookie, I have the money to buy you a new car, it won't hurt me in anyway."

"And you know I wasn't raised to throw money away like that." He sighs and gives me his keys.

**EPOV**

On my way to Fangtasia I walk out to get in my car and I see a scratch on the driver's side of my baby. I call her out to the garage.

"Sookie, what is this?" I point at the scratch she bends down to squint at it.

"What, I don't see anything." She says looking at me. How can she not see it? Even with her human eyes its plain as day for all to see.

"Right there." I say pointing down to the scratch. She rolls her eyes.

"You're not kidding are you?" she questions. I look at her aghast "I don't know where that came from, I made sure to park away from any other cars." She says nervously.

"You're getting a new car, and that's final." I say and leave for Fangtasia.

**SPOV**

The next evening I wake to find a note on my nightstand from Eric.

_My dear Wife, _

_I acquired a new car for you. The key is on the kitchen table. It did not cost much so I do not want any complaints from you. _

_-Your Husband_

I made my way out to the garage to find a _2012 Volkswagen Eos _convertible. It was red with a beige interior. It was beautiful how could I complain? Next to my pretty new car was a cherry red _2011 Chevy Corvette ZR1. _I just shook my head. Compared to his new car I'm sure it didn't cost "much"…

**A/N: Geez Eric, replace an entire car just cause of a itty bitty scratch, lol... PLEASE REVIEW!**


	5. The Tiger Argument

**A/N: Okay this is my last one of these for now... unless something pops in this wacky brain of mine… **

**I have an **_**Interlude**_** that is a companion piece I wrote to Chapter 20 of DES and this mini shot was written immediately after it. I'm not going to post the interlude. It's a gift given to reviewers. Its pure Lemonade and Eric's wicked sense of humor… if you want to see it hit me with a review and you shall have it ;) -Viktoria**

**Thanks again all of my lovely reviewers! erin1705, xxCarpeNoctemxx, emb1, MerryCain, charhamblin, TMart37, Loving the Viking, livesimple, Always Mazzy, ILoveVikings, VAlady, crozybabe, Wickedcajungrl, and VampiresAllTheWay1.**

***** Special thanks to Vilannh *****

**Mini Disclaimer: They belong to Charlaine Harris**

**Rated M for Adult content**

**The Tiger Argument**

**SPOV**

For the past few months I've been still trying to convinced Eric to get rid of Quinn's carcass. He's refused every time I've asked, 'cause he said it was his "spoils" rewarded from battle. It just gave me the creeps. I couldn't even step foot in the living room. Hell I couldn't even walk past it without shivering in disgust…

_**The first week after NOLA…**_

I was going about the house cleaning and dusting, and walked into the living room looking at what use to be one Mr. John Quinn. I know that it's not very Christian of me, but I'm not sad he's dead. He was insufferable in NOLA, pushed things a little too far, then he left me unprotected to get kidnapped by some Weres. Still Eric's little joke… I didn't find very funny at all.

"Eric you have to get rid of that thing, jokes over. Ha ha, you got me." I said

"I will do no such thing. I defeated him in battle. It is my right to keep the spoils." He said flatly.

"Your serious?" I asked exasperated.

"Of course." He said matter of fact. "Is there anything else my Love?"

"Really Eric, this isn't a thousand years ago… just get rid of it."

"Would you have me get rid of my swords, and other trophies acquired from my past victories?" he said perturbed. (word of the day)

I sighed and gave up… for now.

_**The few months later…**_

"Eric, please will you just get rid of the damn thing?" I said flatly. He didn't even look up from his papers.

"We have already had this conversation min älskare." He said then moved to his computer screen.

"The living room _needs_ to be dusted and I can't stand to step foot in there."

"That's what maids are for Sookie."

"Were not gonna pay someone to do something as menial as dusting, Eric."

"I will if it eases your comfort. Besides you are my wife you don't have to clean this house. I'm not getting rid of it." With the look on his face _he _wasn't going to continue with this conversation.

_**Another month later...**_

I went shopping with Pam and Amelia one night and something caught my eye. Maybe this will appease the Viking I thought and I bought it.

"Eric… Will you puhle…" I started putting my bags down in the wingback chair.

"No" he said with finality.

"Please? It makes me really uncomfortable. It used to be a MAN for Christ's sakes! If it was just some random Tiger you killed in Africa I wouldn't care." I begged. "I'll ma…" I started

"There are no Tigers in Africa." He stated interrupting me confused.

"What? pfft! That's not the point, the point is _Eric_." I said saying his name pointedly "Is that it's really creepy to have a dead man lying on the living room floor." He went to that stoic Vampire face that said he wasn't going to give in.

"I'll make you deal?" I asked, he didn't answer so continued "What if I give you something that will replace it? Something that will also remind you of how much I love you?" his face softened and he nodded in the positive. I walked over to the chair, picked up the toy bag, then walked back over to his desk.

"You plan on replacing it with a toy?" he asked skeptically with a raise brow.

"Yes." I said and pulled out a plush Tiger, I went to the pet store and went to one of those tag making machines and had one made with Quinn's name on it then put it on a pink cat collar with diamonds on it. He laughed that laugh I loved so much.

"See I can set it up right here on this shelf and every time you look at it you can remember that you killed him and that I love you." I said sweetly.

"Fine, I'll get rid of it." He growled playfully.

"Thanks Hubby!" I said and walked out of the room.

**A/N: Hope you liked this one! REVIEW PLEASE!**


	6. What's with the Tabasco sauce?

**Thanks to **_**Vilannh**_** for the TB fun fact about the _Tabasco_ bottle on Eric's desk at Fangtasia ;)**

**Thank you to all who reviewed last chapter as always you are all so utterly awesome! MerryCain, erin1705, Crozybabe, charhamblin, Tmart37, wickedcajungrl, ILoveVikings, VampiresAllTheWay1, livesimple, VAlady, Always Mazzy, xxCarpeNoctemxx, Loving the Viking, and ebm1.**

**Mini Disclaimer: Charlaine Harris owns them. Alan Ball has TrueBlood**

**Rated M for Adult Situations**

**What's with the Tabasco Sauce?**

**GPOV**

"Hi, honey!" Sookie says as she enters Eric's office at Fangtasia.

"Min älskade." He replies looking up from his computer screen "What do you have there?" He asks.

"Oh just some stuff, Pam and I got for you." She says walking over to his closet. "We thought after that little number you wore last night, you needed a new look." She says as she starts to look through the outfits.

"Why am I suddenly terrified?" he asks sarcastically. She laughs.

"Don't worry, honey. No _Polo's_ or pressed khaki's this time." She continues her rummaging.

"Good most of those outfits in there were Pam's idea of a joke anyway." He says turning back to his work.

Sookie then goes through the office picking up and dusting.

"Sookie, what are you doing?" He asks.

"Cleaning, what does it look like? She replies.

"You don't need to do that. Ginger will take care of it." He says.

"I don't mind Honey. I'm bored this gives me something to do." She says continuing her task.

"I have something you can _'do'." _He says wagging his eyebrows. She rolls her eyes.

"Okay totally walked into that one, but really sweetie you need new material." She jibes walking over to his desk.

"Aright, why don't you come sit in my lap and we can talk about the first thing that pops up." He says with that sexy grin of his. She laughs while shaking her head and does just that. As they begin to kiss, Pam walks into the office.

"Ugh… can't you two keep your mouths off of each other for one night. This is a place of business. Have you not heard of the sexual harassment laws? I am simply disconcert." Pam snarks.

"The door was closed, Pam." Eric replies dryly.

"And locked." Sookie seconds.

"Was it?" Pam deadpans with a smirk while pocketing the key to the office. "You are needed to enthrall the vermin, Master." She finishes. Eric sighs and Sookie reluctantly lets him go.

"Whatever you two do in here, absolutely no re-decorating." He says as he goes out into the club.

**EPOV**

I walk back into my office after an hour of enthrallment to find the wife putting away her purchases. I look around the office and see that everything is in order, with some additions. There was a tiger stripped fleece throw on the back of the leather sofa. I smiled at that. When I sat at my desk I notice that there is a picture in a frame of us at Rhodes taken during our Pledging. My smile widens at the memory of the instant the picture was taken. My desk is uncluttered and then I see that something is missing...

"Sookie?" I call out to her.

"Yes, honey?" she replies.

"Where is my _Tabasco _sauce? I ask.

"I threw it out. Why on earth do you have it there anyway?" She says looking at me confused. I do not respond and look to the computer. I hear her sigh as she walks over to a bag and pulls it out. Out of the corner of my eye I can see her look between me and the bottle. Then a minute later I see her movements and look at her full on to find her dabbing the _Tabasco_ sauce on all of her pulse points and between her breasts.

"Sookie, what are you doing?" I ask her amused.

"Bloody Mary?" she quips. I roar out in laughter.

**A/N: **I couldn't sleep this was begging to be written... **I hope ya'll like this one ) -Viktoria**


	7. The Trouble with In Laws

**Thanks to all who reviewed last chapter: VampiresAllTheWay1, TMart37, MerryCain, VAlady, livesimple, ILoveVikings, ebm1, vilannh, MsEllie, and Loving the Viking…. Love ya!**

**Mini Disclaimer: Charlaine owns them**

**Rated M for Adult Content (just in case)**

**The Trouble with In-Laws**

**SPOV**

I woke up late this evening to Eric's irritation.

"Hey honey, what's the matter?" I asked wearily walking into his office at home.

"These damn plans, I can't believe how spoiled Pam is." He said… well irritated. I chuckled walking over to what looked like blue prints to her house.

"What about it?" I asked curious.

"She wants another room added to her home." He said again… irritated.

"Okay…" I said looking down at the blue prints. I gasped at the measurements to the "new room". It was bigger than mine here at Eric's house. "What is it for, a new sleeping chamber?" I asked confused.

"No… for her shoes." He said flatly. I laughed. That Pam.

**EPOV**

I woke up to Sookie yelling into her phone. Curious to who she is upset with, I walk up behind her too late as she snaps her phone shut.

"What's is it my Love?" I asked

"Niall… he's getting over bearing and it's pissing me off." She snapped. Hmmm I should have known. That damn Fairy has been a thorn in my side for centuries, since the last Fae/Vampire war.

"What is he doing now?" I asked amused. It is her fault really allowing him to be in her life.

"Same ol' shit different day." She spat "He just keeps bad mouthing you and keeps trying to convince me to live in Faerun." She sighed.

"I could fix this little problem if you'll allow it." I say.

"How?" she asked in disbelief.

"It's been awhile since I had a Fairy cocktail." I said with a wicken grin. Momentary shock crossed her face, then she said…

"Let me think about that." She said trying to contain her chuckle. "I'm seriously considering it."

**A/N: Okay don't know how good or funny this was, but I had to write it. when my Muse comes knocking I don't deny her… LOL… REVIEW PLEASE…**


	8. Vampire V A M P I R E

**A/N: One night while chatting with Vilannh I mentioned that two of my lovely daughter's spelling words for this week are PAM and SAM and this idea was born between us. Hope ya'll laugh as hard as we did writing it… Enjoy! – Viktoria & Vilannh.**

**Thanks to all who reviewed last chapter… ILoveVikings, vilannh, TMart37, erin1705, VampiresAllTheWay1, livesimple, MsEllie, Loving the Viking, and VAlady… ya'll are awesome!**

**Mini Disclaimer: Charlaine owns them, not us ;)**

**Rated M Adult Language**

**Vampire = V A M P I R E**

**GPOV**

"Everyone… thank you for being here on short notice. Sookie." Eric greets everyone then waves Sookie to take the floor.

"Hey ya'll." They all mumble their hellos not knowing what they were there for. "The AVL charge Eric and I to get volunteers in our area for a Charity Spelling Bee. Nan thought after the Russell thing that, it would be good press to raise money for homeless kids. We need all of you to be volunteers." asks Sookie.

"A what?" Pam said with a raised eyebrow.

"A Spelling Bee, it's a competition where each person gets a word and you have to spell it out. Whoever gets the most correct at the end wins." Sookie explains.

"Yes I have seen this before. On ESPN it comes on after cheerleading competition. Tiny breathers try to prove their intelligence. I myself prefer cheerleaders. Yum." Pam says.

"You can count me out." Sam says.

"Me too." Amelia said.

"Yeah, why us anyways? The AVL is a Vamp organization." Alcide said gesturing to the non-vamps present.

"Well duh… but they don't know about shifters and weres yet, ya'll can be humans you know… good Human/Vamp relations." Sookie replies to Alcide.

"Well you can certainly count me out." Pam says in her bored tone.

"Pam, come on!" Sookie looked at the other Vampires with a pointed look then back to Pam to show support.

"What? You _did _say volunteer, am I right? Do you need the definition of the word?" Pam deadpans arms crossed.

Sookie looks at her disappointed. Pam rolls her eyes. Then Sookie looks to everyone else. Not one person says anything, they just all stare blankly at Sookie.

"Awww come on ya'll it's for _Homeless Kids_!" Sookie says flabbergasted.

"Oh alright." Amelia says.

"I guess I'll do it." Sam seconds.

"Yeah count me in." Alcide follows dejected.

Sookie raises an eyebrow to all the Vampires present… Pam, Thalia, Clancy, Indira, Maxwell, and Felicia. She looks back to Eric for help. He chuckles at all the Vampires that are stunned into silence not one of them wants to do this.

"I know this may all be ridiculous to all of you, but I _ask_ that you all do this. Don't make me pull rank." Eric says struggling to hold in his amusement.

"Yes Sheriff" they all said in unison.

**The day… err… night of the Spelling bee….**

"Thank you all for coming on this splendid evening for Charity. Let's give a round of applause for our contestants…" the emcee says doing a game show wave to everyone. "Our first contestant is Sookie, Sookie please." he says as he gestures Sookie to the microphone. With her brightest southern belle smile she approaches. "Sookie your first word is… _Vampire_." She chokes on a laugh.

"Okay… Vampire… V A M P I R E… Vampire" she says.

"That is correct." The emcee smiles. She curtsies and goes back to her chair. "Amelia, please." He gestures to her "Amelia your word is _Prudish." _He says and Amelia's brows furrow.

"That's sounds familiar to me, but can you use it in a sentence please." Amelia asks, before the emcee could answer Pam mumbles.

"Before Sookie met Eric she was extremely _prudish." _Chuckles insue from everyone. Sookie cuts Pam a glare. Amelia laughs out loud.

"Oh okay never mind, Prudish_… _P R U D I S H… prudish." She finishes.

"That is correct." The emcee smiles. "Felicia your word is _Sun." _Felicia looks at Eric unbelieving. He clears his throat and nods, then lower his head to hide his smile.

"Sun… S U N… sun…" she says at Vamp speed she is back in her seat.

"Tha…" the emcee started looking up to an empty mic. "Alright Maxwell your word is Accountant." At this point everyone is glaring at Sookie.

"Accountant… A C C O U N T A N T… accountant." He huffs and sits.

"Very good… Thalia your word is… _Happy." _He says. Thalia begrudgingly got up mumbling.

"I will be _happy _to drain every one of you dry…" while everyone erupts in laughter she says "Happy… H A P P Y… happy… now fuck off." She says then scowls at everyone laughing.

"Ah hem…" the emcee clears his throat to restore order "Alcide your word is _Rabbit." _ The emcee smiles, while everyone still struggling to hold their laughter.

"This is just stupid." Alcide mumbles as he stands, then finishes "Rabbit… R A B B I T… rabbit…" he turns to sit.

"What the fuck does he think we are morons?" Pam hisses at Sookie.

"Don't look at me, I was just suppose to get ya'll here." Sookie whispers in her defense chagrined.

"Clancy your word is…" before the emcee could finish.

"Asshole" Pam interrupts.

"Please, Ms. Ravenscroft there are children present?" the emcee chides.

"And your point is?" she deadpans. He ignores her remark and continues.

"Clancy your word is _Rainbow." _The emcee looks to Clancy and he returns his look with a sneer.

"Rainbow… R A I N B O W… rainbow." Clancy says turns to sit.

"Oh look at that he does have a brain." Pam chuckles and he flips her off.

"Eric your word is _Salacious."_ Eric stands too his full height and struts to the mic oozing the very definition of the word.

"Salacious… what a fitting description… S A L A C I O U S… salacious." He preens. Pam makes a gagging noise. Everyone stifles a chuckle as he glares back at her.

"Correct, thank you Mr. Northman." The emcee smiles at him little bit too lustful to Sookie's liking. "Indria your word is _Fancy._" He says as Indira smiles sweetly at the crowd.

"Fancy… F A N C Y… fancy." She says gives a slight bow and walks back to take her seat.

"Thank you Indira. Sam your word is _Dog." _The emcee says looking confused as laughter erupts again. Sam standing at half mast gapping at him… while Sookie nudging him to go as she holds in hers. "Do you need that in a sentence?" he asks Sam.

"I think I got it, thanks." Sam replies sarcastically "Dog… D O G… dog." He glares at everyone as he sits.

"This is ridiculous can he spell imbecile?" what language would you like that... dåre, imbécil, hülye, or just plain F U C K W A D." she spat at the emcee. "Stupid breather."

"Ms. Ravenscroft your word is _Human." _he looked at Pam upset for all her disruptions. She walks up to the mic with a superior smirk.

"Human… B L O O D B A G… human." she answered the judge stood there with _his_ mouth hanging open. "Would you like me to use it in a sentence?" she says and in a flash she's at the emcees throat with her fangs down, then bites. "My what a delicious BloodBag." She said licking her lips after draining the emcee.

**A/N: ROFLMFAO! So what do you think? Funny? Yes? **

**REVIEW PLEASE! - This was meant to be funny ya'll - I know it was bad that Pam drained the guy especially for an AVL sponsored event, but come on it was just too good to pass up ;) -Viktoria**


	9. Pam & Sam

**A/N: Okay so this is more of a drabble than a mini shot. After Vilannh and I did the spelling bee. This was stuck in my head and wouldn't let me sleep until I got it down. I swear these mini's are cutting into my beauty sleep… Enjoy! ;) –Viktoria**

**Thanks to all who reviewed last chapter… Vilannh, erin1705, ebm1, VAlady, ILoveVikings, TMart37, livesimple, Loving the Viking, MyLoverEric25… Thanks ya'll!**

**Mini Disclaimer: Charlaine owns them ;)**

**Rated M for Adult Content**

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**Pam & Sam**

**EPOV**

As I take my seat at my desk after the wife and I dress after a quickie (if you can call an hour of Sookie screaming my name while bouncing up and down on my lap a quickie) *chuckles* Pam walks in…

"Pam, what is that thing?" I ask gesturing to the ugliest creature I have ever seen under her arm.

"It's a dog, Eric." She replied in her usual bored tone.

"Awww, who's this little cutie. Pam why on earth would you have a dog?" Sookie asks.

"The Shifter owed me a favor." She deadpanned.

"SAM!" Sookie screeched, I roared in laughter, and the Shifter growls.

"Cut the shit, before I have you neutered." Pam hissed. The Shifter whines.

"Pam, that's not very nice." Sookie chides taking the Shifter from her "Why do you need him like this anyways?" She asks. I sat back eagerly awaiting the answer.

"There's a bloodbag that I am interested in. She's a Vet." Pam replied wagging her eyebrows. "Shih Tzu's are her favorite." She finishes.

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**A/N: LOL! What do you think? REVIEW PLEASE... **


	10. DES-Chapter 20 Interlude

A/N: Originally this was a treat for those who reviewed chapter 20 of DES, but since the computer that it is saved on died and went to where ever computers go when they die…. I'm adding it to Married life so Enjoy!

Mini Disclaimer: Charlaine Harris owns them

Rated M for Lemons

Interlude…

SPOV

I woke up to Eric's kisses trailing down my body.

"Mmmmm… good evening too you to, my love." I moaned.

"I've always loved breakfast in bed," he purred as he bit into my thigh. Once he had his fill he sealed his bite then healed it with his blood. When he stood off the bed I looked up at him.

"Is that it?" I scowled. He chuckled and picked me up bridal style.

"I have something for you," he whispered in my ear. I reached around and grabbed his sweet tight ass and gave it a little squeeze.

"This is what I want and we're going the wrong way." I said seductively

"Tålamod min lilla kön gudinnan" he said

"Eric! No fair… all I got from that was 'Patience my little'…" I pouted, again with the chuckling. I rolled my eyes.

We entered the living room and he kissed me. The room was lit by the soft glow of the fireplace and hundreds of lit candles. He laid me down on the softest rug I've ever felt. I squirmed into it luxuriating in its softness as he continued to kiss his way down my body again stopping in all the right places. I moaned and arched my back. When he began working his tongue at my lily and my moans got louder.

Eric kept chucking throughout the whole thing and I was wondering why. He came back up to my lips and kissed me softly. His smile was still as breathtaking as ever.

"Are you enjoying your gift, min älskare?" he asked

"Ja, min kärlek." I replied.

He then pushed into me excruciatingly slow and I felt myself open and contract around him. No matter how many times we've had sex. He was still so damn big. But oh God did it feel soooooo good to be filled by him. His thrusts were slow and purposeful hitting the right spot every time he filled me. I matched his momentum so he could get deeper each time. When we were at our peaks I bit into his neck as he bit into my shoulder. It was pure bliss the second we drew from each other.

He rolled off me and lain at my side. I turned on my side facing my back to him and closed my eyes. His hand ghosted up and down the side of my face to my calf and back up again repeating the process. I rubbed my hand on the rug and sighed. This moment was so right. Then I felt an ear and my eyes shot open. I jumped up and screamed a blood-curdling scream.

"ERIC NORTHMAN! IS THIS SOME KIND OF JOKE?" I screamed. I didn't even know what I was feeling I knew pissed off was one of them 'cause I was to angry to ask him what exactly I was feeling. His roar of laughter filled the room.

"So I take it you don't like my gift?" he frowned and I just kept gaping at him. He then brightened.

"Well consider it a gift to the Tiger then… he always wanted sex with you on top." he grinned and I couldn't help but to smile back at him. I love my Viking!

End Interlude…

A/N: LOL… I know, I know… When they die they revert back to their human form, but I was not going to let that ruin mine or Eric's fun ;) -Viktoria


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